Back when I was young, fun and much smaller dress size I had this grand idea to apply for the Bachelor. No, I didn’t really think I would find love, but I did think I’d get a cool vacation. One day as I headed home from teaching in the Bronx, they called me asking me to attend some interview. I never went.
Luckily, I dodged that bullet and the embarrassment (and nice tan) it would have brought upon my twenty something life.
Fast forward a few
pounds years and I realize I am finally getting that Bachelor experience. No, I am not sitting around a huge mansion drinking Margherita’s poolside waiting for my on camera interview with 20 other girls dating the same man. No, I just have the extreme privilege of being the bachelorette to my children with my children constantly battling it out for my 1 on 1 time.
I am not sure if it is the traveling, the holidays, the very clear large stomach that indicates a baby to my very “in tune” children or perhaps the fact that I have been able to pass some parenting duties off on Dominique since he is home the past few days, but basically my day is like Episode 1 of the Bachelor with my children climbing all over me for constant attention and affection….all without the ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol or wear fancy gowns.
My day starts with both kids fighting over who gets to sit
next on top of me and after some elbowing, blankie throwing and a few bruised ribs one kid is off crying in the corner about he/she is not getting any alone time and how the fellow contestant keeps butting in on their conversations. Then it moves to errand running with one kid begging to come and more importantly to not make this a group date. If said date does happen to be a group date – there is alway the more aggressive kid asking to be carried or make some sort of scene to grab my attention. If a one on one date is received, upon returning from our romantic date to the grocery store – there is always another kid sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and needing me to reassure them they I still want them to be here and to just trust the process and please don’t run back to your farm/winery/bar/fake job.
We move throughout our day with some funny moments and the contestants (Flynn and Nola) even seem to get along for part of the day – especially while I am out of sight
getting massages folding laundry. Then night time hits and BAM! this 2 on 1 date gets really crowded. The contestants are all showered and dolled up in their fanciest of pajamas and do not want to share their prized mother. Nope. In fact, one will even talk about how annoying the other is and that they might not be ready to commit to a night of sleep. “Nola doesn’t want to sleep. She wants to be downstairs”. Oh really, because a few minutes ago she told me you that you are still not over your ex-bedroom and still like to sleep in the other room on the trundle bed. Once we all settle into our nightly snuggle, the two of them basically dance around trying to be as close as possible to me with the famous line whines “may I interrupt for a minute” replaced with “she’s touching me” and “that’s my spot”.
Once the contestants are safe in bed, I can head to my
confessional group text and talk about each contestant and who is winning me over and who may not be here for the right reasons. I share how right now I am just so confused because I have connections to both of them. However, the producers really know how to shake things up and come May are going to really throw these two for a loop when a new guy is added and demands a whole ton of the prize Bachelorette’s attention! Tune in to see who makes it another week, who gets kicked out of the mansion Queen size bed and who ends up with their own spin-off show.