We Will Call This — What I Googled This Week

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I often wonder what mothers humans did before google. How did one plan a vacation? The yellow pages? This is a serious question for me. I can understand that one went to a store to buy diapers, but how did one even know the number to the Hampton Inn in Virginia Beach?

Multiple times a day I think to myself I need to google that. Actually, multiple times a day I also tell my son we will have to google that – including when he asks me why his sister says everything is Minnie. My Minnie breakfast. My minnie guitar. We don’t own minnie breakfast items or guitars, but for her it’s all Minnie something. Maybe google knows why she does this.

Did moms pre-google rely on their own mothers? A friend? I do both of those and then some, but as I lay listening to the Roger the Rabbit audiobook for the 19th time I tend to stalk google to assess my parenting and discover solutions to my latest “problems”.

If I was a consistent person who wrote blog posts – you know instead of one who just keeps an online diary of random thoughts that really shouldn’t be shared with anyone let alone the internet – I would write a weekly post called What I googled this week. Since I probably won’t post again next week (heck I may not even finish this post) I won’t call this a series, but I will share “What I Googled this Week”.

This week my most popular google search was “How to get two toddlers/preschoolers to sleep at the same time?” I was hoping there would be a step by step guide or even better someone who tells me where to remove the batteries if turning off the toddler’s on/off switch doesn’t work. None of that exists (sadly), but I did learn this…

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One mother has her two preschool age kids wait at the bottom of the steps while she puts her under 1 year old to sleep. In other words, I learned that I jumped the gun and I need to learn (google) how to get my 3 and 2 year old to sit for 20 minutes straight without needing me. I also need steps.

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I cannot even get my kids to sit and watch a basketball game without some death-defying antics.

One mother states she does the routine, says goodnight and shuts the door. Her job is done. This type of advice is more up my alley. However, after reading this I promptly went on Amazon and attempted to order locks for the light switch and closet. Then I decided I really just needed to get on Zillow and find a house with a padded room because one time I left them in there for about 10 minutes to give myself a “time out” and Flynn peed his pants, Nola peed on the floor (mind you they are potty trained) and their entire wardrobe from birth to now was thrown across the room.

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One mom said this time was precious and would soon pass. She’s right. But you know what – it is not passing quickly enough and my sanity is also precious. Like really precious. I love my kids. I also love to hang up the wet clothes that have been sitting in the wash machine since yesterday.

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Baby Flynn where did you go? I miss you. I also miss those maternity pajama pants. Where did you go, pants?

One writer had a decent idea of splitting them up (either in rooms or by time) and leaving one with Dad while you tackle the other.  This isn’t a terrible idea. I’d need a third bedroom and a new husband. Neither are feasible right now, but I might be able to work with this. Like replace husband with television or third bedroom with bring Nola back into my bed and we have a strategy? Maybe. I’ll think about this one.

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He works late. Always.

These are just a few of things I learned from google. And seriously I am just not sure how my mother did without. Google had all my parenting issued answered. It also let me know I am really no closer to solving this current “crisis” and probably also not equipped to have any more children (oops too late) because I can’t get my kids to stay safely in a room alone or better yet sit at the bottom of the steps peacefully and for the love of all things I really cannot get a child to sleep through the night.

If you came here for answers sorry I have none, but here are a few things I took away from these findings:

  • That you can buy covers for light switches on Amazon for like $12.
  • That I might try some version of quiet time where after our “routine” I will let my kiddos quietly play in their room while I get something/anything/nothing done. If they leave the room/act crazy/pee on floors then quiet time is over and we will have to lay and listen to Roger the Rabbit on repeat for the next 90 minutes. I will report back (or let me rephrase try to report back) once I hash this out.
  • That improvements are being made. Flynn use to run away after I finished their last story. I was left with the decision to leave a relaxed-ish Nola to force him back into bed which required force/tears/tantrums (more me than him) and couple of profanity-laced texts to my husband about his basketball practice times. Now I play an audiobook (free through our old library card) and he will lay and listen. Sometimes it takes 90 minutes of listening to Cars 2 A Junior Novelization, but I have had nights were 30 minutes of Charlotte’s Web did the trick.

 

 

 

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